The Takers

The Takers are the people in our lives who constantly have their hands out. The people who are never willing to help those who have helped them. Futhermore they usually believe that you should be there for them, and that it is only right for you to do the things that you do for them.

From my experience there are different types of takers. The first type are the taker’s who LIKE to get took, usually by other takers. I’ve summed them up to be the “complaining takers”. They take from those who love and will do anything for them, and give give give to those who will do nothing for them. The irony is that they rarely, if ever give to those that have done for them. They have the audicity to complain about the the takers they have chosen to deal with, but since they like complaining they continuously deal w/ their fellow takers.

The other type are the Narcy Takers. Those who feel the world revolves around them and that everything should be at their beck and call. They want you to ask “How high?” When they say jump. And don’t think about disagreeing w/ them, nothing could be more treacherous! You can bend and mold to their every request, but don’t expect the same in return. They have myopic views, either their way or NO way.

Not sure if you’re dealing with a Taker…here’s a general description. They’re selfish, critical of others, inconsiderate, and tend to have a sense of entitlement.
What I’ve found so ironic is that givers are the exact opposite. They’re always willing to give with no expectation of anything in return. When they ask they’re always thoughtful and considerate, wanting to make sure they are not burdening anyone with their request. Unlike Takers who could give a damn about what’s going on in your life. Oh, and be wary of Takers that give. They only do it to have something to throw in your face, remind you about during one of their temper tandrums, or so that they can request even more of you.

Just keep them at arm’s length.

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The Single Life

Is it really all it’s cracked up to be, or as bad as some think it is…

I say you ask ten different people you’ll get ten different answers. Like I always say to each it’s own, but here is where my opinion reigns supreme (lol).

Either way, I believe it’s all about where your mind’s at. A few years ago I made a conscious decision to be single. I strongly believe life is short, and time is the only thing in life you can’t get back.

With that said once I’m someone’s wife (God Willing) I’ll always be a wife, and people are living long these days. I mean do you really need to be married for fifty years…that’s a bit much. Why not just take five of those and just be all about you. I believe when you’re in a relationship, if done right, every decision you make you have to consider your spouse. Being single allows me to be about me!

The other part of that is when I’m ready, I’ll be ready. I won’t have to wonder or feel like I’m missing anything because I’ve been there and done that. Also, it’s allowed me to meet different guys and find out what I really like, can tolerate, and won’t tolerate…I mean how do you really know if you don’t have anything to compare it(him) to?! I took this time to get to know myself better and what I’m looking for. (CLICK HERE IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO KNOW)

I’m happy by myself, DON’T mistake that for me wanting to eternally be by myself, but I don’t fear the nights I spend alone. Having a man would be the icing on the cake, which by the way is me. Therefore if I gotta let the icing go a few times I’m still going to eat, there’s nothing to fear. Being comfortable with myself allows me to be choosy and not dare settle for less. Too many times I’ve seen and still see people who fear being by themselves make compromise after compromise just to keep a warm body next to them. Compromise is essential to every relationship, but when it comes to your self-respect/self-worth (and sometimes more) it’s just not worth it, and if you can’t recognize your worth you can’t expect anyone else to (that’s a whole other post).

When it’s all said and done….I’m ready…kind of… idk?! What I should say is I’m in a place that if I find him I’ll hold onto him, but in the mean time I’ll keep dealing with all the guys that are going to make me appreciate once he’s found.

Posted in Dating | 6 Responses

to cosign or NOT to cosign…

That is the question with a very simple answer…HELL NO.

Yes of course there’s an exception to everything, but they are very few and extremely farther between.

There are two main reasons a person needs a cosigner

  • Their credit score is not high enough (which likely means they messed their own up & not good with $$$)
  • They don’t have enough funds/or make enough money to get it themselves (which likely means they cannot afford it)

Both are situations you should not want to involve yourself in unless you are able to comfortably make the payments. Understand that cosigning makes you just as liable for the debt meaning if they can’t get the funds from the primary they have just as much right to demand it from you.

If you still want to cosign, My last warning would be to ensure that you already have the things you want like a house and car. One important factor in getting approved for a mortgage/auto loan is your debt to income ratio. The standard acceptable for a mortgage is between (26-28%). So if you gross $3000 you should not be paying more than 780-840 for debt which includes auto loans, mortgages, credit/charge cards, student loans, AND anything you cosign for.

If you STILL want to cosign, get the understanding in writing. Have them sign a promissory note. If you don’t know what that is you probably shouldn’t be cosigning anything at this point in time.

Enough said.

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Buying Your First House

This post is well past due. I’m unable to count on my hands how many times I’ve discussed buying my first house, and the surprised response I get.
DISCLAIMER: The intentions of this post are NOT to tell you how or whether you should buy a house. It is my opinion that there should be extensive research and fact-finding about real estate and mortgages prior to actually embarking on this journey.

What I do want to be understood is that there are options out there for those on the lower end of the pay scale or with not so great credit (for some reason there seems to be a strong correlation, but that’s another article). I am speaking of a FHA (Federal Housing Administration) loan. There is also a VA loan for vets that usually have even better options. A FHA loan is a government insured-loan, meaning if you default the government will pay back what you owe. Which is why banks are willing to offer a mortgage with so little from you.

As of today, October 9, 2011 the down payment required is 3.5% for FHA loan. Meaning for every $100,000 you must have $3500. Now that is the standard with adequate research you may find assistance for the down payment from your state/county/city.

I would be remissed not to mention the credit criteria which will vary from bank to bank. The absolute minimum is a 580, but it may be difficult to find a bank to accept that score. 620 usually flies, but anything under 680 will usually demand credit counseling. There are free credit services to educate and help strengthen your credit scores. I would avoid any programs that demand money and promise you perfect credit. With this I would say anything that sounds to good to be true usually is.

In conclusion, FHA allows people with little money for a down payment and/or low credit scores to purchase a home. It requires 3.5% down, and some banks will take a score as low as 580 (with mandatory credit counseling). Before you start this journey do your due diligence RESEARCH, RESEARCH, RESEARCH! What that consists of will take a whole other post but this LINK covers a lot of what’s included.

Questions/comments are welcome. Please let me know if this helps by liking or leaving a comment.

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If You’re good I’m good

I make it my business not to judge others, their decisions, or situations. I am like this for several reasons, but here are a few.

  1. I can hyposthesize why it is what it is, but I’ll never truly know because most likely I havent been where someone has been.
  2. If by chance I have been where they been or close to it, I’ve come to acknowledge that we’re all predisposed from birth to handle things differently
  3. Whose to say one day that I will not be in those same shoes, or maybe a similar pair, if that came to be I wouldn’t want some one to judge me.

Now does that excuse people to act certain ways, HELL no! Why, because I know from experience your past does not determine your future. It gets to a certain point where a person needs to address the situation and get it off their chest or build a bridge and get the hell over it. That’s a whole other conversation.

What I’m saying is I won’t judge or nitpick. You may hear me say “I just don’t understand” or “to each its own”, but not much more.

I’ve come to the conclusion that we all have our own lives to live. No one of us should feel so righteous or arrogant that we feel the need to dictate the lives of others. A person who feels they know, done, and seen everything is a person incapable of growth and experiencing new things.
Even more importantly, we all have to deal with the consequences of our decisions good, bad, or indifferent. So if you are okay with the life you’ve molded for yourself, who am I to say you deserve, or even need more/better.

I’ve decided that a person is only worthy of eating the fruits of their labors, not MINE.

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The Secret Spouses

If you have a man that can’t or won’t do anything for you, only you and him should know about him

From: An old head

What It Means to Me: I can love whomever I choose to, but if it’s a man who cannot or chooses not to do anything for me it’s in my best interest not to tell anyone about him. From my experience it is because people don’t usually want to do for a woman w/ a “man” because it is usually assumed that her man is able to do for her where she is unable to. It’s usually an incorrect belief, but it’s what people tend to think. It’s not far fetched. I mean why would you intentionally plan a life w/ someone who is unable to add to you…if all he does is take from your situation, why? Unfortunately it happens A LOT!

Another reason is because even if I find someone who is willing they usually will have mixed feelings because doing for me is indirectly doing for him. From my experience very few people want to support a man, especially a man that’s not their blood. This disdain is exacerbated if it is perceived that this man lacks ambition and chooses to be lazy.

How I apply: I’m not willing to take a man serious if he does not take his life serious. I don’t want a man who is unable to sustain himself. I know I would have a hard time looking at him as a man if he cannot stand on his own. I have goals and plans, and only interested in a man w/ serious goals and a plan of his own. Any man w/ a plan would never be content w/ sitting on his ass.
He doesn’t have to be rich but if he can hold his own it is likely he will grow to be able to hold more. Which will be great for when kids come into play, or if I hit hard times. Of course it would be vice versa, but you can’t come in trying to eat off my plate. We can share, but sharing would mean you have something to offer in exchange for what I’m offering.

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While I think that statement is true, I think it’s incomplete. I believe we all need not only help, but a support system. That may be family/friends.

Quite often I see people declare their ability to do it all by themselves, but it’s simply bullshit. No one can do it by themselves. One person may do majority of the work to the point that whomever is assisting is easily replaceable, but no one does “it” alone.

My real concern is when a person does not recognize when they have a great support system. Or when they trade in one support system for something of less quality. My sincere thoughts on that is to never trade only add, but damn sure never down grade.

What I find ironic is that the person who usually needs the most support is the first to scream they did it or can do it by themselves…

So with that said let me give a great rule of thumb. If you do not have the means and resources to obtain and secure your physiological needs you damn sure need some help. That means if you cannot afford to shelter, feed, and cloth your dependents and yourself you need somebody whether its and individual or entity.

Furthermore, the continuous inability to make wise, strategic decisions puts a person in a position where they need to ask of others. LET ME BE CLEAR, that is ok on a temporary basis because we ALL hit a rough patch sometimes, that’s life. Either way when requesting the resources of another especially on a continuous basis that person is likely going to have something to say. This is especially true if they believe there is one specific thing attributing to the requester’s inability to make a “wise” decision that could change their situation.

Just a thought!

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Feminine Dudes

Is it me or do guys (some guys) really act like females….dramatic, sensitive, u know all the stereotypical female traits. Don’t get me wrong, everyone is entitled to share their feelings because we all have them. But how you deliver them can really affect the response you get. You have to give a tactful delivery when you’re getting to know a person because you could inadvertently send the wrong message. When I say wrong I’m talking from the receiver’s perspective because it may be authentic, but a turn-off to the receptor.

For example, constantly saying things you don’t mean…like “I don’t care or I won’t call you anymore” but you KEEP calling…??? Or “Nevermind don’t worry about it”, but later complain about me not worrying about it. That translates to you either playing games or not saying how you really feel. I don’t have time for one, and you’re likely too old for the other. Overall stop whining and complaining (it’s unattractive), be proactive and straightforward. You’re only going to get what you tolerate. It’s insane to think someone can read your mind, or expect a person to feel a certain type of way because you do.

All I’m saying/thinking if I wanted to deal w/ a female I would be gay, and I’m not hardly interested in going that route. Add that to the fact that I’m single (meaning we have no ties), all I can say is…..What’s your name again?

Posted in Dating | 4 Responses

Personal Finances

Over the past few years I’ve somehow evolved into  my friends and family “Financial Consultant”. Not quite certain how it happened or when, but not a week goes by without a text about applying for a loan, obtaining/fixing a credit report, buying a house, the list goes on.

I suspect that since everyone knows I’m an avid reader they  just wait for to absorb then come get pieces of what I’ve learned.

After taking a Business Finance, Macro and Micro economics, and learning how the economy and small financial decision can shape a person’s financial well-being for a lifetime, Personal Finance has taken a front seat in my life.

So not only do I read books, but I suscribe to magazines like Kiplingers and Smart Money, RSS Feeds, visit websites, stop in banks and talk to financial consultants (which is free!) and whatever else that may seem like it will help keep me “in the know”!

So here is where I will share with you everything I know, and the resources I use to attain this knowledge.

DISCLAIMER: I, in know way, claim to be a finance professional.  Statements made on this blog are of my own opinion and should always be verified with a professional, and if I’m wrong let me know. That way we all benefit.

Posted in Personal Finances | 2 Responses

Take a Walk With Me

Too often I see people make unsubstantiated statements, thoughtless comments, and unqualified judgments. It seems as though, those who open their mouth the most never take the time to walk in another person’s shoes and give thought and consideration to not only the situation, but the context of the situation.

Before speaking on something know your facts, or at least let it be known that you do not know the facts. Therefore if you do happen to make an inaccurate statement you won’t look like a complete fool.

When making comments on a conversation/situation do your due diligence by not only considering the facts put before you, but also how those facts affect the peron(s). Know that everyone is affected by the same EXACT thing differently because perception is reality. How one perceives something is how it happened in their mind. Which is why when twenty different people are asked about the same situation you get twenty different stories. Some times the task at hand may be presenting another view, or helping a person understand they may have taken some thing the wrong way.

Most importantly rarely ever should you pass judgement on another. If you dare try, your best bet is to put yourself in that person’s shoes. If you don’t know enough to do so, then any judgement you make is simply unqualified. If you feel you do then make your judgement, but only he without sin shall cast the first stone.

Overall, be considerate, thoughtful, and forgiving. Whether the person is right or wrong respond in the manner you would want someone to respond to you whether you were right or wrong. I am definitely not saying sugar coat anything or sweep it under the rug. Address the situation with some diplomacy and a little empathy if you can manage.

Posted in Of The Day, Random Thoughts | Tagged , , | 1 Response